PSF: Relax Mommy, I'm ready.....

You're ready. Really? Am I ready?


Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Once again, Sophie has proven to me that all of her developmental milestones happen naturally. Sure, I need to provide certain tools and encouragement but eventually she always chooses to move forward and try out her sea legs when it's time to grow.
Of course, for months before she makes the decision I am always sweating, worrying, sometimes even defending why I haven't done something about it sooner-to the people I think follow the real status quo, or what's "normal."

Here are my big examples:

1. At about 2 1/2 Sophie still drank one last bottle before bed. Did I push? Nope. One night she just said, I don't want to drink a bottle. OK. That was that. No more bottles. sniff.

2. When it was time to be diaper-free, she again made the decision. OK, Mommy, I'm ready to just wear the undies. OK. That was that. No more diapers. sniff.

3. Out of the blue, before I even thought about it, she decided all on her own that she wanted to take showers instead of baths. What? OK, That was that. No more bathtub. sniff (she did recently re-discover the joys of the tub, and will choose a bath 'just for fun' sometimes. phew!)

4. The doctor's office has always been tough but for her 4 year old appointment, she boldly announced to me that, "I will be brave Mommy, and I'm not scared." Normally, I have to surprise her by just taking her, and bribes of sprinkle donuts and skittles are always involved. Not this time. Not only was she brave as she flew through the check-up with flying colors, but she also even dared to take a peek in a pediatric dentist office on the second floor of the building. OK. That was that. No more bribery for health. sniff.

5. Last night at bedtime I offered the option for the millionth time to try sleeping in her own big-girl bed, and she quickly said, OK Mommy, I'm ready. OK. That was that. No more co-sleeping. No more family bed. big giant sniffs!

After it was lights out- see you in the morning- you're the best big girl in the world- sleep tight-I love you, she totally fell asleep. (Oh, and she announced that she will be the best big sister if new baby is a girl, and the best big brother if new baby is a boy!)

What? Hold it--you're not supposed to be ready yet, I'm not ready yet. But I didn't say that.
My entire reason for not pushing on these matters was that I wanted Sophie to be emotionally ready for the changes, not just physically. I've always gone slow and at Sophie's pace--so that she can appreciate and welcome change--not be afraid of it.
Well, that's all fine and dandy, and these examples are giving me glimpses that I am accomplishing my goals--but I forgot one little thing--ME!

I'm was a complete mess. Seriously. I wasn't ready for her to be on her own last night. I offered it, but I didn't really think she would do it. Holy Crap.
I was downstairs happily watching my favorite Grey's Anatomy, completely uninterrupted, when all of a sudden I had big boo-hoo tears running down my cheeks. Where's Sophie? Oh yeah, sound asleep in her own room like every normal 4 year old. I dreaded going to bed. I wasn't ready.
I dragged myself up anyway. I brought up our at bedtime Popsicle and popped in my comforting Gilmore Girls. I couldn't relax, couldn't sleep, and I missed Sophie ridiculously.
So around 10:30 I went back downstairs to sit with my husband who was shocked that I was still awake.
I realized then that I was experiencing the exact kind of anxiety change can bring when you don't know it's coming. I wasn't so sure I could handle it and I knew I didn't want to go back to bed anytime soon. So, I put on some eating T.V.--Triple D from the food network, and ate my way into exhaustion: pepperoni, bread & butter pickles, and jelly beans. Yep-I'm preggers all right. All of the emotions I was having were what I had been trying to spare Sophie from--at least until she's old enough to handle it.

It was then I finally got it that I am the one who is old enough to handle it. So off to bed I went.
It was so weird. The hallway bathroom light on-the bedroom doors propped open just a smidgen, and every in their own room happily dreaming away. SO WEIRD! The dog was excited though. He came up on the bed and sat right in the middle where Sophie's pillow used to be--and put his head on my pillow.

Alright, I guess I can be grown-up about all of this. I am the mom after all. OK. That IS that. No more baby. sniff.