awww poor baby!

Yesterday a mom was with her 18 month old son in the baby pool. He was strapped into one of those swimming life jackets and his mom was practically on top of him holding both of his hands. This kid was throwing a fit. He kept trying to wiggle away and fight her every move. The result of this delightful moment was a baby coughing up huge gulps of water after wrestling free and landing face first in the pool. Then the mom proceeds to say, "See? That's what happens when you don't keep your mouth closed. Let me hold your hands so it doesn't happen again."
This got me thinking. Her reaction was to blame him and tell him it's his fault for not keeping his mouth shut. Where is the "aw, poor baby," accompanied by hugs and kisses? Why is she so cross with him? (I don't know why I feel the need to use the word 'cross' like a 1912 school teacher, but it really fits.) There are a million reasons for this mom to react the way she did. It is not for me to judge, so I won't. However, I can turn it on me. Have I ever reacted that way?

Ummmm. Yep. Guilty. Why? Well, if I don't inform anyone within ear shot that it was the child's fault, then they might think I'm a bad parent for not teaching my child in the first place. Seriously! They might think _____ (anything.) EWWWWW! But unfortunately this is how my twisted brain works. It seems that every chance I get I am trying to prove just how strong Sophie is-which then by association will explain that I am an awesome mom just because THEY might think ______. I hate them.
When it's just me and Sophie, I 'baby' her and give her as much comfort as she needs. If she falls at home and scrapes her knee it's "poor thing, let me kiss it, and we'll go get a band aid (cause you know I have tons) and you can have a freezie pop until it stops hurting." Sometimes she gets 2 or 3 freezie pops to make the pain go away-especially if blood was involved with the injury.
But, in the eyes of strangers, my momma bear syndrome kicks into high gear and there are no 'poor baby's' around. Just like the woman in the pool. Out in public, I say things like, "oh, you're OK. Come on, let's keep playing." Grrrrrr. There was one instance where Sophie literally got up after falling and jumped on the swing with blood dripping down her leg-without one single tear. grunt! Of course the parents around were amazed that she doesn't cry and say things like "Wow, how strong is she?" and so on. grunt grunt
Last week at the carnival, Sophie tripped over her stroller and landed on the asphalt on her hands. Before I could even respond another mom said, "awww, you poor thing, are you OK?" and then tried to literally pick Sophie up off the ground. Grrrrrrr, groWL, ROAR!!! "Don't touch her, she's fine!" I screamed from about 10 feet away getting a-whole-lotta looks from a-whole-lotta people. Hello Mrs. Butt-in-sky pay attention to your own kid-leave mine alone! I quickly scooped her up and distracted her with a ride but not until after I told her to make sure she watches where she is going. grrrrrr. (even though it was my fault for parking the stroller behind her) But still. How dare that woman get in between a momma and her cub! Grunt. grrr.
So my new awareness of how I treat Sophie in public led me to figure out that I need to forgive myself for momma bear, and simply practice something new. I need to stop hating them too because really they haven't done anything wrong. I like to 'baby' Sophie--with kind, loving, compassionate attention, so she feels emotionally secure, until the scrapes stop hurting. I like to console her. I LOVE to mother her. I need to remember that, and not get so concerned with what other people think good parenting looks like. I guess maybe that's why the mom in the pool reacted that way--to teach ME a lesson in dealing with my own child.

Sophie must have sensed I wanted to practice because yesterday she swallowed some water and coughed a little right after I figured all of this out. We were in the big pool, so I took her over to her 'safe' zone on the stairs where she can sit by herself. I gave her all sorts of encouragement and 'you're OK, sometimes this happens, but I'm here and you're fine,' because I truly don't want her to be afraid in the pool. She then proceeded to keep coughing. Apparently she wanted the attention -so she faked it. OK, I'll play--I love this game; she's so sweet to hold and comfort. I was trying to baby and console her as much as I could until the lifeguard walked over. Then momma bear popped out. I was instantly ashamed that I let my 3 year old swallow water and instead of taking care of her I started to explain her fake coughs to the lifeguard and chastise Sophie for pretending to need attention. grrrrrrrr.
DAMN! Totally blew the chance to make the change. Why didn't I just thank the lifeguard for checking up on us? Because I was embarrassed. Because I thought he and anyone else would think I was careless. Because all of sudden someone was watching me parent her.

Oh well. Awareness is the first step. I'll get there. We have only begun our public life and I'm sure I'll get lots of chances to be the mom I am in public once school gets here. Yikes. It's coming quickly too!